


Crocodillicus

by rorywritesstuff



Category: Avengers (Comics), Marvel, Marvel 616, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Young Avengers (Comics)
Genre: Alligators & Crocodiles, Biting, M/M, Parent-Child Relationship, Parenthood, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-22 17:45:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11385216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rorywritesstuff/pseuds/rorywritesstuff
Summary: Billy doesn't want their son to see Crocodiles.





	Crocodillicus

(Billy walks in after a long day at work. Teddy and their young son, Sam, are sitting on the floor drawing.)  
BILLY:  
Hi, I’m home.  
(Teddy gets up and kisses his husband.)  
TEDDY:  
How was work?   
BILLY:  
Long. What did you two do?  
TEDDY:  
Show daddy your drawing, Sam.  
(Sam holds up a scribbly picture for Billy to see. He tries to work out what it is.)  
BILLY:  
Oh, wow! It’s…  
TEDDY:  
A crocodile.   
BILLY:  
A crocodile. Of course it is! And it’s very good.   
(Sam nods and goes back to colouring in. Billy turns to Teddy.)  
Where did he see a crocodile?  
TEDDY:  
Oh, did I not mention, one came round to fix the central heating. Where do you think he saw one? At the zoo.   
BILLY:  
You let him see crocodiles?  
TEDDY:  
I didn’t dangle him over the side for a better look. But, yes, he saw crocodiles.   
BILLY:  
You could’ve told me.  
TEDDY:  
I told you we were going to the zoo.   
BILLY:  
Yes, but you didn’t say there’d be crocodiles.  
TEDDY:  
You go to the zoo, there are crocodiles, you know this.  
BILLY:  
You could have avoided them. You could have made sure he didn’t see.  
TEDDY:  
I could blindfold him when I take him out so that he never sees anything bad. Why stop there? Let’s tape up the windows in case an eagle flies by carrying a toddler.   
BILLY:  
Lower your voice.  
TEDDY:  
He’s not listening.   
BILLY:  
You don’t know that.  
TEDDY:  
Yes, I do. I spend twelve hours a day with him. Trust me, if there’s one thing I know, it’s when our son is paying attention.   
(He turns to Sam.)  
Sam? Sam?  
(The little boy doesn’t react.)  
See.   
BILLY:  
But he was clearly paying attention to the crocodiles.  
TEDDY:  
Yes. He loved them.  
BILLY:  
And that doesn’t worry you?  
TEDDY:  
No. What? Do you think they’re bad role models?  
BILLY:  
Frankly, yes.   
TEDDY:  
They’re lizards.   
BILLY:  
Actually, not all reptiles are lizards.   
TEDDY:  
‘Hashtag not all reptiles.’  
BILLY:  
Will you please take me seriously?   
TEDDY:  
Is this because he bites you?  
(Pause.)  
BILLY:  
It’s not not about that.   
TEDDY:  
You have to let it go.  
BILLY:  
He won’t even let me hold him!  
TEDDY:  
He will, just give him time.   
BILLY:  
It hurts.  
TEDDY:  
Really?  
BILLY:  
I don’t mean it hurts physically.   
TEDDY:  
It doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you.  
BILLY:  
Well then, why doesn’t he bite you?   
TEDDY:  
Because…  
(Teddy can’t think of a reason.)  
I promise he won’t do it again.   
BILLY:  
You can’t know that.   
(Teddy goes and picks up Sam.)  
TEDDY:  
Come on, Sam, we need to prove a point to daddy.   
(To Billy:)  
Take him.  
BILLY:  
No.   
TEDDY:  
Take him. If he bites you, I will never show him another dangerous animal as long as he lives. If he doesn’t, I get to rename him Crocodilicus. I’m joking.   
BILLY:  
I don’t want to do this.   
TEDDY:  
You mustn’t be afraid of your own child.   
(Billy considers it.)  
Come on.  
(Billy relents and takes the baby. Sam looks like he might cry.)  
BILLY:  
See?  
TEDDY:  
Well, don’t hold him like a sack of potatoes! Comfort him.   
(Billy begins to jog the little boy up and down.)  
See?  
BILLY:  
One swallow does not a summer make.  
TEDDY:  
What?  
BILLY:  
This doesn’t prove anything.   
TEDDY:  
It does, if you let it.   
BILLY:  
That’s silly.  
(He does, however, feel a little better. He jogs Sam some more and says to the child)  
Isn’t Dad silly? Isn’t Dad silly?  
TEDDY:  
Can I hold him again?  
(Billy hands the boy back.)  
TEDDY:  
Ow! He bit me.   
BILLY:  
No, he didn’t.  
TEDDY:  
He did. Trust me.   
BILLY:  
Okay, fine. He bit you.  
TEDDY:  
See? He hates us both equally, our little Crocodillicus.


End file.
